A Fork in the Road
by Bridlin
Summary: What might happen at the end of season 5? Post The Squab and the Quail so spoilers up to there. "The distinction between being kissed and kissing someone was one Castle could accept. He'd been on the receiving end of unwanted kisses and he knew that sometimes you found yourself with little choice."
1. Chapter 1

A Fork in the Road

The distinction between being kissed and kissing someone was one Castle could accept. He'd been on the receiving end of unwanted kisses and he knew that sometimes you found yourself with little choice. Particularly if you weren't in a relationship – or were pretending that you weren't. But if they'd been talking about him, if Kate was discussing their relationship with a man she hardly knew, she must have told Vaughn that they were together. So what did she say – or not say – that let him think he could kiss her? And how did she get herself in a position where it was even possible? It's not like she'd been backed into a corner or straddled on a couch; they were in the middle of the room. He trusted her and he knew she loved him so why had she let it happen? Because she must have let it happen. Kate Beckett was not a woman you could just kiss unless she let you, even if she did then change her mind at the last minute. Eric Vaughn was wrong if he thought that Castle didn't know that Kate was an extraordinary woman but he might have been right if he thought that he had been taking her for granted. Now he'd learned just how risky that was.

Why had he been so stupid as to become complacent after Kate Beckett had chosen him? He couldn't stop thinking about it and he'd worked out that it was partly because of walls. It had taken him four years of patient hard work to break down Beckett's reinforced walls. Others had tried but Sorensen, Demming and Motor Cycle Boy had hardly made it across the moat. He had thought that he was the only one who could scale those walls but then along comes Eric Vaughn and she's ready to let down the drawbridge. Yes, he was ultra rich, handsome and brilliant but the old Kate Beckett would have been on the parapet pouring burning oil on to his head. Vaughn was the first real competition that he'd had and she'd been tempted. Just how much she was tempted, he didn't know but what he realised now was that he'd done the groundwork. He'd broken down her walls and now others were lining up to storm her citadel.

He checked the room again. Just a few more rose petals on the bed and it would be perfect.

* * *

Kate sat in the back of the cab, chewing her knuckle. "It's amazing how fate changes lives, isn't it?" Eric Vaughn had said that and he was so right. A few weeks ago she'd never have imagined that she would be in this situation, glad of the rain slowing traffic to a crawl because it was delaying the inevitable moment when she'd have to break the news to Castle. Giving her more time to worry how he would take it and what it meant for their future.

Meeting Vaughn hadn't changed her life but it had made her focus on unanswered questions that had been hiding in the recesses of her mind. He was charismatic, intelligent and successful and he'd made her feel desirable and special. How many girls wouldn't have let that turn their head a little bit, especially if her boyfriend had started to take her for granted? And would it do Castle any harm to notice that other men – other very desirable men – were interested in her?

That didn't really explain why she had let Vaughn in so easily. It wasn't like guys didn't hit on her regularly but she swatted them away like flies because none of them compared to Castle. And there was the rub; if she was honest with herself, and she was trying to be, she'd have to admit that Vaughn reminded her a little of Castle, a more polished and less nerdy version. So maybe that was why she felt comfortable enough with him to open up so quickly, telling him why she'd become a police officer, and perhaps that was why she'd talked to him about her relationship. All he needed to know was that she was with Castle. But then he'd asked if they were serious and that was a question the real Castle never asked – or answered – so she'd hesitated and he'd seen an opening.

She should never have let him get close enough to kiss her but she'd been seduced, not by his success or by his charm but because she'd wondered for a moment what it would be like to kiss uber-Castle. As his lips had so briefly touched hers, she'd thought of the real Castle and how it wasn't the smooth, sophisticated playboy that she'd fallen for, attractive though that part of him could be, it was the kind, thoughtful, nerdy man who had cared enough to invest years into getting inside her walls and helping her to mend. The man who could turn her to mush with a look and who brought her coffee everyday because he wanted to make her smile. So she'd pushed Vaughn away but the unanswered questions were still there.

She loved Castle, and she knew that he loved her but they'd never talked about the future. They'd been together for a year but they'd loved each other for much longer and, although he made her happy, they couldn't drift along like this forever. Where were they going? It was a big question and one she'd tried to raise but he just didn't seem to get it. It had become the elephant in the room for her but she worried that he didn't even know it was there. Now fate had intervened and there was no choice. He couldn't ignore it anymore.

* * *

Perfect! Now it was perfect. He rearranged the brochures on the table and, as her heard her key in the lock, pressed play on the remote control.

Coltrane playing _In A Sentimental Mood_ welcomed her as she opened the door, and Castle was there, divesting her of her coat and bag before taking her in his arms, running his fingers through her hair, damp from the brief dash from the cab, pulling her to him with the hand in the small of her back, kissing her tenderly, longingly as if he'd been imagining this for the whole day. And she was responding, closing her eyes letting herself sink into him, losing herself in his embrace, one hand on his hip, the other teasing the nape of his neck. Eventually they broke for air, lips reluctant to separate, their foreheads resting against each other.

'How was your day?' he whispered.

'Just made so much better.' She opened her eyes to meet his blue ones, so full of love and anticipation.

'I've poured the champagne.' He released her, taking her hand to lead her to the couch.

'Wow. That's a lot of candles even for you, Castle.' There were candles on almost every surface giving the room a magical glow, and roses. Vases and vases of red roses filling the room with the heady aroma of romance as only roses could. Ever since the Vaughn incident he'd not let a day go by without making sure that she knew how much he loved and appreciated her. She's wanted to tell him he didn't need to try quite so hard and she would but not yet; she was enjoying while it lasted.

She settled into the couch and he handed her a glass of champagne.

'To us,' he said, raising his glass to hers and she felt a pang of guilt because he had no idea what was coming.

'What's this?' She picked up the brochures on the table. 'The Maldives?'

He reached behind the cushion for an envelope. She opened it slowly and pulled out two first class plane tickets and then he was pressing another glossy brochure into her hand, open to show a stunning villa, separated from the turquoise sea only by its own private stretch of white sand.

'Reethi Rah. Very chic, very romantic. I've booked the Grand Beach Villa with pool because I thought it would be nice to have our own beach but we can switch to a Water Villa if you prefer. Look at the view from the tub. It's designed for two, of course. You'll love it. And, before you ask, I've never been there before.' His face was alight with excitement.

'Castle, this looks incredible. It's so beautiful and such a wonderful thing to do but these tickets are for a month's time. I can't go then.' She chewed her bottom lip, swallowing the lump that had risen to the top of her throat.

'But you can. I've already talked to Gates. I know that was a bit cheeky but I wanted it to be a surprise so… Kate, what's wrong? Are you angry?' His smile slipped and she reached out for his hand.

'No. No, I'm not angry. It's so sweet. Really lovely and romantic and thank you. I really want to go but I can't go then. Castle, Gates can't make that decision.'

'What do you mean? She decides if you can have vacation…' She squeezed his hand and he stopped speaking, confusion and concern flooding his face.

'She can't make that decision because I won't be working there anymore.'

'Kate, what are you talking about? Have you resigned again? What happened?'

She hesitated. She hadn't wanted to tell him like this. She wanted to explain how it had happened and why she was doing this. Why she needed it now and why it would be good for them. But fate had meddled again.

'I've been offered another job and I've accepted.'

'You're leaving the 12th? Why didn't you tell me?'

'I'm leaving the force. The FBI have offered me this incredible job. I'd be crazy to say no.'

He didn't say anything, just looked at her, waiting for her to explain. She took his other hand in hers and pulled them both towards her, holding them tight.

'Rick, the job is in Washington.'

'What?' He wrenched his hands out of hers and leapt to his feet, walking across the room, putting as much distance between them as possible before he turned to confront her.

'How could you do this? How could you do this without talking to me? I thought you loved me…' His eyes were full of tears, his mouth twisted in pain. She jumped up and walked towards him, desperate to make him understand.

'I do. I love you so much. That's why I didn't take the job in San Francisco. Washington's only an hour's flight. We can spend every weekend together…'

'Every weekend? Kate, what are you saying? I want to wake up with you everyday not just at the weekend. I can't believe you could do this without talking to me.'

She reached for his face but he twisted away.

'Rick. Please. We can do this. We can make this work.' She could feel tears brimming and she tried to blink them away. He turned his back on her, training his eyes on the New York skyline.

'When were you going to tell me?' His voice shook with emotion and Kate lost her battle with the tears, letting them spill over onto her cheeks.

'Now. Tonight. I just got the offer today… I didn't say anything before because I didn't think I'd get it. '

'But you've already accepted. When do you start?'

'A month, but… Castle, please look at me. Don't do this.' He spun to face her, his cheeks were damp but anger made his face harsh and unfamiliar.

'Don't do this? You did this, Kate, not me. You're leaving me.'

'I'm not leaving you. It's a great job and it's only an hour…'

'Stop! Just stop. Would you go now please? I need to be alone.'

'Please let me explain…'

'Just go.' He turned away again and Kate reached her hand out to his arm but he shook her off and she let it drop back to her side.

'Castle,' she pleaded, her voice hardly more than a whisper. She tried to wipe away the tears with the back of her hand, but new ones replaced them. A sob rose in her throat but he was motionless, only the slight trembling of his shoulders hinting at the emotion he was battling.

Castle stayed like that until he heard the door close and then he covered his face with his hands and let his tears flow for perhaps a minute, maybe longer. He wasn't sure and didn't care. Wiping his face with his handkerchief, he sat down on the sofa and tossed the cushion away to reveal a small hinged cherrywood box. He opened it and looked down at the emerald cut three stone diamond ring. Simple and elegant and so carefully chosen.

**I couldn't resist. No more than three chapters, I think. My view of what the end of season could bring. Let me know if you like it and want more.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you for the amazing response to this story, whether you hate it or love it. I understand why you might hate it but I do fear that the end of the season may bring something like this. At least when I write it myself, I can try to fix it...**

Kate sat cross-legged on the bed, twisting the handkerchief into a tight ball in her hand. One of Castle's. She taken it from his drawer and used it to wipe away her tears. She'd got this so wrong. Managed it so badly. It wasn't how it was supposed to happen. She'd played it through in her head so many times on her way to the loft and even in the worst of her imagined scenarios it hadn't been so dreadful. She was supposed to get the chance to explain how the FBI had approached her, how she'd been wary but flattered and how she'd gradually come to think that this could be a good thing, not just for her but for them. How distance would help them to decide where they were going. Not that she needed any help – she already had her vision of their future – but Castle seemed to be in need of a bit of assistance and this might be it. But she wasn't going to say that. That was sub-text. He was usually really good at sub-text but when it came to their relationship, it was like he couldn't read between the lines.

She was going to explain that they'd put her in a difficult situation, forcing her to make a decision on the spot but that she'd negotiated, persuading them that there should be a trial period of six months for both sides. If it didn't work out she could walk away. Back to New York, maybe back to NYPD and, most importantly, back to him. Six months wasn't so long but it would be enough time for him to decide what he wanted. She knew that he'd be angry and upset but she'd imagined herself soothing him, telling him that she'd be back every weekend and he could come to Washington as often as he wanted, enticing him with thoughts of their frequent reunions. She hadn't been prepared to see him so hurt and her eyes filled again as she remembered the tears on his face. He was such a beautiful, sensitive man and she hated herself for causing him so much pain.

* * *

Castle rested his head on the back of the couch, eyes closed, wondering what the hell had just happened. His perfect evening had turned into a nightmare. He couldn't understand how she could have taken a job in a different city without even talking to him and he wondered how long she'd been deceiving him. She must have applied for the job, had an interview and waited for the result. Weeks at least then. Weeks of pretending everything was fine and then bam! Nobody had ever hurt him this badly. Sure, Meredith sleeping with her director and walking out on him and Alexis had been tough. He'd lost a lot of his youthful naivety then but most of the hurt he'd felt was for his daughter and his dented pride, and that was all diluted with a healthy dose of relief. But Kate Beckett had managed to make him feel like his heart had been ripped out. He guessed that showed him just how committed she wasn't to this relationship. When she'd been cosying up with Vaughn, his mother had said she wasn't really committed at all, implying that she needed a ring on her finger. That thought had surprised him, not because he hadn't thought about it – he had, a lot – but because it hadn't occurred to him that Kate might be ready. He was so happy to be with her at last, he didn't feel the need to push for the next step, imagining that it would just happen organically. And then the last few weeks she'd started wondering out loud about their relationship and he'd taken it all in and processed it and decided that the time was right to buy the ring he'd seen in Tiffany's window months ago. The Maldives would be ideal for a honeymoon but he wasn't planning to pressurise her into a quick wedding. It would be their engagement celebration vacation or perhaps a proposal destination. He hadn't made up his mind whether to wait until they were there to do the deed. But now they wouldn't be going at all. He opened his eyes and sat up, snapping the box shut without looking down.

* * *

Kate hadn't moved. She needed to fix this. She'd misjudged everything. She lifted her hip and squeezed her fingers into her pocket, wriggling until she could get her fingers on her phone.

* * *

Castle forced himself to get up, snuffing out the candles on the dining table and around the fireplace, moving on to the side tables and shelves. This wasn't how he'd imagined the evening ending. These flames were supposed to gradually splutter out while he and Kate snuggled on the couch and then he would have led her through to the bedroom. He didn't feel like throwing anything or even drinking himself into oblivion, he just wanted to sleep. To block out the pain and the weariness with deep sleep. He sighed as he pushed the bedroom door. More damn candles. What had he been thinking? And he was going to have to clear up all those rose petals on the bed. He stopped in shock. Petals weren't the only thing on the bed. Kate Beckett was sitting there, crossed legs, her tear stained face turned up towards him.

'You left,' he said.

'No, I didn't. I'm not leaving.'

'You do see the irony in that? Please go.' He stepped to one side, holding the door wide, his eyes on the wall.

'I'm not going, Castle.'

'Fine. I'll go then.' He strode from the room, picking up his car keys on his way out but she was faster than him, running to get there before him, standing in front of the door with her arms spread wide.

'This is ridiculous. Just get out of my way or get out, Beckett.'

'You want me gone, you'll have to throw me out.'

He tried to stretch around her to reach the handle but she moved across to block him and he pushed her with his left arm. She lunged at it, pushing back, and he could see frustration igniting her eyes.

'Get out of my way.' He grabbed first one wrist and then the other and she squirmed, kicking out at him. And then his anger took over and he gritted his teeth as he pinned her against the door, switching his grip so that he held both wrists in one hand, stretching them high above her head while trapping her legs with one of his as she tried to kick him again. He stared down at her, his mouth a hard straight line, and then he was kissing her, his mouth unyielding, his lips and teeth crushing her mouth, forcing her lips open, his free hand clawing at her shirt, squeezing her breast hard. She tried to twist her mouth away from his but he used his body weight to trap her. He was consumed by a need to cause her pain. But then she stopped struggling and whimpered and he instantly released her, staggering as he stepped backwards.

Kate's arms dropped down by her sides but she stayed leaning against the door, her breath fast and shallow. Silent tears flowed unchecked and a trickle of blood escaped from her lip. One side of her shirt was ripped open revealing her bra thrust up half way across her breast and red marks on her ribs.

'Oh God, Kate. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean...' He pulled his handkerchief from his pocket but it was already soiled from his own tears. He dropped it and hurried to the kitchen, returning with a damp cloth and some ice in a clean towel. He stopped a few steps from her, shame flooding him as he watched her straighten her bra with trembling hands and try to cover herself with her torn shirt.

'May I?' he asked holding up the cloth. She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and looked down at the resulting streak of blood. She glanced back up at his face and nodded.

He took a hesitant step towards her and tentatively dabbed her lip with the cloth, prepared for her to flinch under his touch but she stayed still, letting him clean away the blood and wipe the tears from her face. She said nothing but her breath became calmer and the trembling subsided.

'Kate, I am so sorry. That was unforgiveable. There's no excuse…' She covered his hand with her own, closing her eyes.

'It's OK, Castle,' she said quietly.

'No it's not.'

'It is.'

'I've hurt you. I've made you bleed. How is that OK?'

She opened her eyes and looked up at him. 'It's OK because you stopped. I could have ended that at any time but I knew you'd stop.'

He looked doubtful and one corner of her mouth twitched upwards. 'I'm trained in unarmed combat, Castle. Do you really think you can take me?'

He tried, unsuccessfully, to raise a smile and he placed a hand on her shoulder, his touch light, to lead her towards the couch. There was only one lamp lighting the whole room and, once she'd sat down, he switched on more, the light restoring some normality.

'Is that for me?' Kate nodded in the direction of his hand, and the dripping bundle of ice.

'Yeah.' He placed it in her hand and she held it to her lip. He stood over her, wincing when he saw her grimace.

'It's just cold. I'm fine.'

'What about…' He pointed to her chest and she glanced down.

'You owe me a shirt. The rest is nothing worse than I've woken with more than once.' She flicked her brows at him but he didn't respond.

'But never in anger.'

'No, but I'd made you mad.'

'And now I'm ashamed, but still mad.'

She put down the ice and looked up at him. 'I know. Can I try to explain? Please.'

He hesitated. He couldn't imagine what she could say that would make it possible for him to forgive her lack of honesty but he nodded and sat in an easy chair opposite her.

'Thank you. I got a call two weeks ago from the FBI. Agent Stack had suggested me for a new job. It's a sort of cross department role working on cases linking FBI and Homeland Security with police departments. They said I couldn't mention it to anyone and I didn't think much more about it but a couple of days later I got another call inviting me to an interview and last Tuesday, when I told you I was going to meet Madison, I flew down to Washington…'

'You flew to Washington without saying anything? You lied to me about where you were going?'

'They told me I couldn't tell anyone at all, Castle.'

'You couldn't have given me a heads up? Why couldn't you at least have told me that you were thinking about taking a job out of New York?'

She shook her head. 'I've been asking myself the same thing. I guess I thought… I had this idea that you might think that you had to do something you weren't ready for to stop me. I didn't want to force you into doing anything…' She ran her fingers through the puddle that was forming around the melting ice.

'I've been feeling a bit restless. Since we found Bracken, I don't feel the same force driving me at work. Sure, I still want to catch the bad guys but I've been feeling that it's time for something in my life to change. Time to move forward…'

'And away from me.'

'No! No, Castle. I never wanted that. I was stupid but I didn't think of it like that at all. And I really didn't think I'd get the job but I was interested and flattered. There are going to be two units, one in San Francisco and one in Washington. I told them there was absolutely no way I'd go to San Francisco. I wouldn't go that far from you.' The eyes, trained on his face, were dark and misty and most of all sincere. He looked away, knowing that he had little power to resist her gaze.

'Compared to San Francisco, Washington is so close. I left here after breakfast and I was home before you'd got back from your meeting with Gina. I really still didn't think they'd offer me the job but I got to thinking about how we'd make it work. How we'd be together every weekend and sometimes in the week and how we'd have these amazing reunions and then we'd realise…'

He turned his face back towards her and found her gazing blankly into space, imagining something that they'd realise if they weren't together every day.

'I got a call,' she glanced at her watch, 'four hours ago. They offered me the job but they said I had to tell them straightaway. Their second choice had another job offer and they didn't want to lose him if I turned them down. I…I panicked, I guess. I wanted to talk to you but I didn't have time. It is a great opportunity and I may never get another one. So I said yes on the condition that I'd do a six-month trial and I then could walk away if I wanted. Six months didn't seem so bad.' She turned pleading eyes to him and he could see tears trapped in her lower lashes, threatening to spill over to her cheeks again.

He stood up and poured them both a drink, handing her the whisky tumbler as he dropped back into his seat.

'I don't understand how you didn't realise that this would change everything Kate.' he said quietly before taking a sip of his drink.

'I suppose I thought that we needed to change something.' She was looking down at her glass, gently swilling the amber liquid around so that it was coating the sides of the crystal. 'Where are we going, Rick?' She looked up at him and he stood up again, walking towards the window.

'Well it seems you're going to Washington.'

**I hope you can see some light at the end of the tunnel. Another chapter I think, possibly two.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Your reviews and interest are keeping me going. Thank you. This is a longer chapter but there was no obvious cut off point. Hope you enjoy. **

**Disclaimer: Don't own them, more's the pity.**

Kate never knew when she was beaten but she did know when to make a tactical withdrawal. She zipped up her jacket to cover her torn shirt and, holding the door open, she turned towards him. The skyline had all of his attention but at least he was holding his head high now. That made it easier to leave.

'Thank you for listening. I love you, Rick.'

This time there was no doubt which door had closed. Castle kept his eyes on the lights of the city.

'I love you too, Kate.'

* * *

He hadn't seen her for three long weeks. He'd resisted the temptation to call her, hadn't even sent a text. If he opened up any channels of communication he didn't know where it might lead. He needed space because he hadn't forgiven her and he knew that if he saw her and she pleaded with him, he might just give in. He loved her more than he'd ever loved any woman but he was no longer prepared to take Kate Beckett on any terms. He'd battled for her before, waited patiently until she was ready, forgiven her without question, but now he was weary. Whatever she might think, he wasn't made of stone. His heart could be bruised too and right now it felt pretty battered. He rubbed his hands over his unshaven face as if that might erase his thoughts.

'Richard, darling, I know you're hurt but don't you think you should talk her?' His mother stood in the doorway of his office, head to one side, sympathy for her son's pain evident on her face.

'Mother, please don't interfere.' He straightened the pens on his desk for the third time in the last five minutes. His laptop lay closed in front of him. He hadn't written since that day and Gina was hounding him for a long overdue chapter.

'I'm not interfering, darling. I just think you need to give the girl a chance…'

'A chance? Mother, she's the one who decided to leave.'

'But she loves you, Richard, and you love her. That's got to be worth fighting for.'

'What do you think I've been doing all these years?'

'You could go with her, you know. You can write anywhere.'

'My life is here. Alexis is here. You're here. My home is here.'

'But it's only six months…'

'And what then? What if she decides to stay? She should have talked to me. That's not a lot to ask and besides,' he stood up, 'she didn't ask me.'

'Where are you going?'

'A walk. I need some air.'

New Yorkers and tourists alike were enjoying the late spring sun before the temperature and humidity started to climb, turning the streets into a pressure cooker, venting steam erratically and sometimes violently. The summer was high season for crimes of passion and heated exchanges leading to bloody resolutions. Beckett would miss that in Washington, sitting in her sanitised office, remote from the streets. Castle took off his jacket and slung it over his shoulder wishing he'd left it at home, but he wasn't going back yet to his mother's reproachful eyes and evidence of Kate all over the loft. He knew he should pack all her things and send them back but he wasn't ready for the finality that would signal. He guessed that she must be packing up now, getting ready for her move. Maybe she'd call round for her stuff. He hated himself for the flutter of anticipation that that thought gave him.

Life without her was miserable. He couldn't remember how he got through the days without her being in his life. Fantasising about her, anticipating seeing her, being with her. She'd been at the centre of his life for years. He hadn't been near the precinct. Esposito had called, asking what had happened between them; a not very heavily veiled threat in his voice when he mentioned that Beckett seemed withdrawn and upset and wouldn't talk about her swollen lip. Ryan had suggested that they have a drink and a chat. He'd declined and started screening his calls. They'd stopped phoning; she must have told them by now that she was leaving and he could imagine that they too would be hurt that she could do this without talking to them, renouncing the family that they had become.

He wandered aimlessly, blind to his surroundings. It didn't matter where he went he just needed to walk. Big city dwellers are experts at weaving through the maze of which they are a part, avoiding more than passing contact with each other. The exceptions tend to be the sick and the crazies and Castle was pretty sure that the woman who stopped dead on the sidewalk in front of him was a crazy.

'Excuse me,' he said, but she didn't move. He glanced down to see two dark eyes glaring up at him and he sighed. 'Lanie. Hi.'

'Don't you dare say hi to me after what you've done to my girl.' He wondered how such a little woman could be so intimidating. He was tempted to turn back the way he'd come but he knew that she'd just follow him.

'Lanie, I don't know what she told you…'

'You've traumatised her so bad she won't say a word, just mopes around, pale and withdrawn, avoiding her friends. What did you do, Richard Castle?' She poked him and he stepped back, rubbing his chest.

'She's the one going away without me. Why am I at fault here?'

'Can you blame her? She needs to get away from you…' He spotted his exit strategy in the form of a vacant cab and he stuck out his hand.

'Sorry, Lanie. Got to go.' He waved as he got into the taxi, leaving her staring at him from the sidewalk, hands on her hips.

'Where to mister?'

'Just drive.'

* * *

Kate had taken time out from the precinct for an hour or so. She'd been doing this more and more, slipping away on her own, desperate to escape from the scrutiny of Ryan and Esposito. After the first few days they stopped asking her where Castle was but she kept catching them with their heads together, looking at her and then quickly looking away, shuffling papers and picking up phones. She hadn't told them about the job. She couldn't face their condemnation as well, not when she was still feeling the sting of Castle's reaction. It hurt all the more because she knew that he was right. She only had to survive one more week before she got away from all of them.

Castle hadn't called. She'd said her piece and the ball was firmly in his court but she wasn't sure how much longer she could wait. He'd left a gap in her life that nobody else could fill and she knew that a new job in a new city wasn't going to do it either. What the hell had she been thinking? She'd got herself caught up in the idea of needing a change when all that was really necessary for her happiness was reassurance that he thought their relationship was serious. That he was thinking about their future too. Three weeks without him had confirmed what she already knew; he was her anchor and without him she was cast adrift. She felt like she was just going through the motions at work and in every aspect of her life, not that there were many other aspects to her life without him. She'd wait one more day and if he didn't call she'd go to him and make him take her back.

* * *

Castle watched the crowds thin on the sidewalk as the cab drove away from the heart of Manhattan. So Kate had told Lanie that she was leaving to get away from him. That really stung. What had he done to deserve that? He spotted a bookshop ahead. As good a place as any to stop. Maybe he'd be able to find something to divert him for a while.

He recognised this place as one of the venues of his numerous book signings but it wasn't until he opened the door he realised just which book signing. It was like the world was conspiring to keep reminding him of her, as if he needed any help at that. He spun on his heel but the manager had spotted him.

'Mr Castle. Great to see you.' He turned back, forcing a grin.

* * *

It was twenty minutes before he could escape out the back door. He couldn't face adoring fans right now. And when that girl had asked him if she could be his muse… Didn't she know that you needed more than a pretty face and big boobs and legs up to your armpits to be a muse? His muse was beautiful, fiercely intelligent, remarkable, frustrating, exasperating and irreplaceable. He heard a commotion behind the door and dived across the street in case she was following him. He was in a play park. That play park. And for a moment he thought that his mind was playing tricks on him but then the woman on the swing lifted her head.

'Castle!' She was on her feet, still holding the chain with one hand and he had to overcome his desire to run to her and take her in his arms. He started to turn away but then she called out again, 'Castle, please.' So he walked over slowly towards her, trying to control his breathing.

'Beckett, what are you doing here?' She sat down again and he dropped into the seat beside her, looking down at his feet as he rocked backwards and forwards.

She fell into rhythm beside him and for a moment she thought about saying she was on a case nearby but there seemed little point in pretence anymore. There had been too much of that.

'I've been coming here a lot. When you're really mad at me these swings seem to hold some magnetic attraction. What about you?'

'Accident.' He looked up and saw the flash of disappointment on her face, and for a second he wished he'd made something up.

They rocked silently beside each other for a while each lost in their own thoughts until Kate broke the silence.

'It's really good to see you.'

He just nodded. He couldn't bring himself to say how good it was to see her. He couldn't let his anger go yet.

'You look good.' She tried again, determined not to be deterred by the grim set of his face.

'Yeah. Thanks. You look good too.' She didn't. She was as beautiful as ever but there was a fragility about her he hadn't seen for a long time. She was pale and the dark circles under her eyes poorly disguised by make-up but some truths are best unsaid.

'How've you been?'

He shrugged. 'Fine. You?'

'Yeah. Fine.' They watched the children play on the climbing frame until Kate interrupted the awkward silence.

'I lied. I've been terrible. I miss you so much. I miss having fresh milk and I hate that my refrigerator is full of half eaten boxes of take-outs and things growing fur. My apartment's a mess and I haven't had a decent cup of coffee for weeks. I miss your half-baked theories about spies and aliens and having to adjust my chair down because you've sneakily sat in it. I've got no one to pull my pigtails and I hate it.'

He'd stopped rocking to watch her as she talked. His lips curled up for a moment before he looked away again.

'But you need to get away from me and that's why you're going.'

'What?' Kate pressed her heels into the ground and stopped swinging.

'That's what Lanie said.'

'You've been seeing Lanie?' She frowned, trying to make sense of what he was saying.

'I just ran into her.'

'Oh! I haven't seen much of her lately. Just in the morgue. She won't stop asking questions. And the boys are treating me with kid gloves and talking in low tones. It's driving me crazy. I need to get away from them, not you.'

'But you're going.'

'You interrupted me. I hadn't finished.'

'Sorry.' She raised her brows at him and this time he couldn't stop the grin tweaking up the corners of his mouth. She smiled back, dropping her head forward to hide behind her hair as she continued speaking, her voice so low he had to strain to hear her.

'I miss listening to your stories and watching your joy when you prise one out of me. I miss holding hands with you in the elevator and stolen kisses in the break room. I miss feeling safe in your arms and your body wrapped around me when I fall asleep. I miss making love to you and waking up beside you. I miss you loving me. I just miss you, Castle. So much.'

The sincerity in her voice and the plea in the beautiful hazel eyes she turned to him were impossible to disregard. She'd been brave and honest. He could do the same or walk away.

'I lied too. I'm miserable. I can't write. I don't want to eat…' He paused for a few seconds before bending down to pick up the jacket he'd dropped on the floor and delving into the inside pocket.

'What are you looking for?'

'I made a list.'

'You made a list?' There was a hint of laughter in her voice.

He pulled out a folded sheet torn from a reporter's notebook. He flattened it out and hesitated for a moment before handing it too her.

Kate glanced at the neatly written, double-spaced list and took a shaky breath before she started to read. Her voice broke on number one. That wasn't a good sign.

'I must:

1. Get up in the morning.

2. Shave. That one not going so well then?' she asked.

'No so much.'

'3. Brush my teeth.' She glanced at him and he nodded.

'4. Get dressed.

5. Do my laundry so Alexis doesn't have to.

6. Remember Mother is just trying to help.

7. Eat something other than ice cream.

8. Stop making coffee for two.

9. Not drink so much coffee.

10. Not drink so much whisky.

11. Finish the chapters Gina is waiting for.' She turned to him and, although his eyes were on the children playing he sensed her scrutiny and shook his head. Kate swallowed the lump that was constricting her breathing before continuing.

'12. Leave the loft at least once a day.'

'Getting better at that one,' he interjected.

'13. Not think about Kate all the time.'

'Teacher's comment, "could do better",' he said turning his attention to his feet.

She paused to blink back the tears that were threatening. She was not going to cry at him. She already told herself that.

'14. Sleep.

15. Cancel the holiday.' The paper rustled as she turned it over and Castle snatched it from her before she could read number 16, shoving it into his pocket.

'I'm so sorry.' Her words were clear despite the crack in her voice. 'I did this to you and I'm so sorry.'

He shrugged. 'I need to toughen up.'

'No! No you don't. Please.' She was emphatic and he tried to smile but she could see the tears in his eyes.

'Were you going to leave without saying goodbye?'

'I was hoping you might call me. I've spent every evening that I wasn't working staring at the phone. And most of my time at work too. Apparently that doesn't make it ring. Ryan told me that. I'd decided that I'd come and see you tomorrow if you didn't contact me.

'To pick up your stuff?' He asked.

She shook her head. 'No. To beg you to forgive me and take me back.'

Castle stopped swinging and stared at her.

'How can I take you back? You're leaving.'

She was taken aback by the bitterness in his voice and she could only bite her lip and look down.

'Castle, can we try to fix this? Please. We're both miserable and I know it's my fault. I was an idiot. I don't want to leave you.'

'So, should I come to Washington too?' There was still an edge to his voice but it was tempered with kindness and her head snapped up.

'You'd do that for me?'

'I'd consider it if you asked, but you didn't.'

'I didn't think you'd leave New York.'

'You should have asked.'

'I should have done a lot of things.'

They'd stopped swinging and their eyes were locked together.

'So? Do you want me to move to D.C.?'

'I'd rather you didn't.'

She heard his sharp intake of breath. His eyes disconnected from hers and his head dropped.

'You see, I'd miss you.'

'What?'

Kate reached into her pocket and pulled out her phone, flicking through until she found what she was looking for and then she handed it to him.

Castle looked at her questioningly but she just tossed her chin at the text on the screen.

"Agent Harris. Thank you very much for your interest in me. I'm grateful and flattered but I realise that I've made a mistake. Tempting though it is, I can't accept your job offer…"

'When did you send this?' he demanded.

'Look at the date. I was sitting on your bed surrounded by a sea of rose petals.'

'But Lanie said you were leaving.'

'I am. I'm going to Dad's cabin. It seems someone booked me some vacation time.'

'But why didn't you tell me? Why did you let me think that you were going?'

'Because it wasn't about me going. It was about me not talking to you. I think that we both needed to deal with that.'

'Right. We did. We do.' He paused. 'But it was about you going away too.'

She nodded.

'What about the great job?'

'The FBI seeking me out? It appealed to my vanity, Castle. It made me forget how much I love my job.'

'You might regret it, Kate.'

'No. I know I won't. I choose you, Castle. If you let me.'

A slow smile spread across his face and he stood in front of her. She put her hands into his outstretched ones and he pulled her to her feet and he bent down to kiss her gently.

'God, I've missed this,' she murmured into his mouth, opening her lips for him.

'Me too.' He pulled her body against his, his hands roaming across her back and into her hair, their mouths locked together. Kate responded, her hands sinking into his hair to pull his head closer.

'What are they doing, Mommy?'

Reluctantly releasing her Castle leant his head on hers.

'We have an audience, Kate,' he whispered.

They both turned their heads to see three children staring up at them and the eyes of two disapproving mothers boring into them.

'Ladies,' Castle nodded, wrapping an arm around Kate's shoulders. 'Let's take this somewhere more private, Kate.' He looked own at her and smiled.

**To leave it there or not? What do you think?**


	4. Chapter 4

**Wow. That's a lot of reviews. Thank you. You've over-whelmingly asked for more so here's a final chapter. Sorry for the delay but it took me longer to write this because I really wanted to get it right. **

'Where are we going, Kate?' She stopped to look up at him, her breath catching in her throat. 'My place or yours?' Castle asked, opening the taxi door.

'Oh. Right. Er, mine is…Damn.' She reached into her pocket for her ringing phone and smiled at him as he took her arm to guide her into the car, shielding her head with his hand as if she were a child. There was a time when she'd have hated that, and an even longer time when he wouldn't have dared to do it. She'd never imagined she would enjoy having any man treat her as if she needed protection but then she had never understood the wonder and security that came with being loved so completely. She didn't always want or need to be handled as if she were a precious object but mostly Castle balanced his need to be her protector with respecting her strength and independence. Mostly.

'Right. Yes, I was just on my way back. Be there soon.' She grimaced as she put the phone away. 'I'm sorry, Castle, I've got to get back to the precinct. I told them I was going to get lunch and that was nearly two hours ago.'

'But the magnetic pull of the swing set…' He smiled and directed the driver to the 12th. 'I'll come with you.'

'No! No, Rick,' she took his hand, scared that he might see this as another rejection. There were enough obstacles on their course and they didn't need any more. 'Can you imagine what the boys will be like if we go in together after I've had a long lunch? Particularly after the last few weeks.'

He nodded his understanding. 'Did you actually get any lunch?' She shook her head.

'Me neither. Nor breakfast. How about I drop by later with something to eat?' She hesitated. 'Please?' He was hard to resist and her desire just to be near him was heightened by the time she'd spent without him.

'OK, but not too soon. It'll look suspicious.' She settled her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes, revelling in his proximity. 'Castle, did you shower this morning?'

'I knew I'd missed something off the list.' She wrinkled her nose but snuggled against him, if not exactly enjoying his natural muskiness, certainly enjoying him. The silence was companionable. There was still a lot to say but the back of a cab wasn't the place to say it.

She asked the driver to stop around the corner from the precinct, cradling Castle's face in her hands to kiss him tenderly before slipping out of the car and standing on the sidewalk to watch the taxi drive off. Her hand dropped as they disappeared into the traffic and she took some calming breaths on her brief walk to the station.

* * *

'You OK?' Esposito was standing over her desk holding a file. She knew that they had watched her arrive in the bullpen but she'd avoided eye contact.

'Yeah. Any new leads?' She nodded towards the file.

'Ballistics report. No matches in the system. You sure you're all right?' She followed his eyes to her fingers that were lightly drumming on the desk. She squeezed them into a fist to still them.

'I'm fine,' she snapped.

She didn't miss the exchange of eye-rolls with Ryan as he walked away. In reality she wasn't fine. There were knots in her stomach and she could feel her pulse fluttering in her neck. She'd laid her heart bare to Castle and, sharing the swing set, they'd connected again, but what if he had second thoughts? What if right now he was deciding that actually he couldn't forgive her? If that were the case, she would have to persuade him otherwise because she simply wasn't going to lose him. As she stared blankly at her computer screen, chewing viciously at her thumb, she sensed someone was staring at her and looked up, hopeful that Castle had ignored her advice and had turned up already. The concerned blue eyes were not the ones she wanted to see.

'Beckett, I know you don't want to talk to us, but why won't you talk to Lanie?'

'Just leave it, Ryan.'

She forced herself to focus on her computer screen but was aware of the two of them with their heads together, and of Esposito's eyes on her as he picked up the phone. Lanie. She knew he was phoning Lanie. She hoped that the Medical Examiner was too busy to consider a trip across town to check on her because she really didn't want to see her right now.

The afternoon dragged by and Castle didn't show. The elevator doors opened regularly with a steady flow of police officers, suspects and witnesses but no sign of him and it was a relief when Gates summoned her for an update on the case even it it did only occupy her for twenty minutes. As she left the Captain's office the elevator doors opened and he stepped out, clutching two brown paper bags. His smile crinkled his eyes and she knew that her own matched his in width. Ryan looked from her to the elevator and kicked Esposito who spun round. Confusion was written on their faces.

'Hey,' she said, meeting him at her desk. His hair was groomed and he was clean-shaven.

'Hey yourself.' He sat in his chair and drew a coffee out of one of the bags. Her fingers wrapped around his as she took it from him and she knew that she had a stupid grin on her face but she couldn't do anything about it.

'I thought you weren't going to come.' She unwrapped her Panini. Chicken and pesto, her favourite but then it would be.

'And you were beginning to worry.' It wasn't a question.

'I was just hungry.' She flicked her brows at him and took a big bite of her sandwich but she knew that he wasn't fooled.

'I sent you a text.'

'You did?' She grabbed her phone from the desk. The message must have come in while she was in with Gates.

_Remembered to shower at last. Smell good now. Missing you._

'You're not getting rid of me, Kate.' Her view of him became misty and she blinked back the tears. Sometimes she wondered what she had done to deserve this kind, forgiving man.

Esposito and Ryan watched open mouthed as Castle made himself comfortable as if nothing had happened, making no attempt to conceal their surveillance. They were craning their necks, trying to eavesdrop on their conversation until, unable to stand it any longer, they walked over to Beckett's desk.

'You two want to tell us what's going on?' Esposito demanded.

'Hey guys. Just having a late lunch. I guessed you'd already eaten,' Castle said, wiping his hands on a napkin.

Ryan crossed his arms and, tight jawed, stared down at Castle while Esposito stood directly in front of him, toe to toe, chest thrust out. Castle sat back as far as he could, squashing himself against the chair back.

'Where've you been, Castle? Do you have any idea what a mess Beckett has…?'

'Hey, Espo, back off. _H_e hasn't done anything wrong. It was my… Oh, perfect! Lanie, what are you doing here?'

'Nice welcome, Detective. I brought your DNA results.'

'You couldn't have just emailed them?'

'I heard that you were in a state and now I see why.' She glared at Castle, and he instinctively rubbed his chest where she'd poked him earlier.

'Right! Enough! You three, with me now!' Kate's chair shot backwards as she stood up and Castle edged himself to his feet, looking down nervously at Esposito who hadn't given an inch and was now chest to chest with him.

'Not you, Castle.' She shouldered Esposito out of the way and took his place, resting one hand on Castle's left shoulder and using it for balance as raised herself on to her toes so she could lean in to breathe in his ear.

'By the way, you don't smell good, you smell mouth-watering.' She trailed her hand down to his chest and spread her fingers to push him gently back on to his chair, making eye contact as he dropped and keeping it until he was sitting, the tip of her tongue visible between her slightly open lips. Castle swallowed and licked his lips.

'Thank…er..th…Are you going to finish soon because I think we need to get out of here?'

'That was hot!' murmured Esposito and Lanie fanned herself with the file in her hand as Ryan loosened his tie.

'Come! Now!' she said to her three colleagues, leading them into an empty office and smiling back at Castle as she shut the door.

'What's going…'

'Shut up, Ryan. Sit down, all of you. Sit!' They all knew better than to argue will angry Beckett, even Lanie following her instructions without complaint.

'I know that you are all trying to protect me and I appreciate that, I really do, but it's not necessary. Lanie, I'm sure that even when you told Castle I was going away to get away from him, you meant to be helpful. You weren't. At all. I don't deserve your sympathy because Castle hasn't done anything wrong. I have. Now, be quiet and listen.'

She recounted the story of the job offer, silencing them when they tried to interrupt.

'Castle has forgiven me and that makes me very lucky,' she finished.

Esposito and Ryan looked out to the bullpen to see Castle sitting on Beckett's desk, peering in nervously and they nodded to him in unison.

'That was not cool, Beckett. You were going to leave without talking to us?' Ryan said.

'I know, Kevin, but I didn't go and I'm sorry. Can we just move on now please?'

Esposito put a hand on her arm, detaining her as the others left the room.

'Kate, I haven't forgotten that you came to work with a swollen lip. Did Castle…'

'Javi, seriously? Look at him.'

He was leaning down so that Lanie could kiss him goodbye on the cheek, a cute grin lighting up his face.

'True. I'm happy for you, girl.'

She watched from the door as the boys fist bumped Castle. It was a relief to see the normal dynamic resumed. She'd been feeling bad that he was assumed to be the guilty party but she felt powerless to do anything about it until today. It wasn't that she was unprepared to accept the blame for her actions; she just knew that she couldn't have talked about it and remained in control.

'Detective Beckett, I see that Mr Castle has rejoined us.' Unlike the boys, Gates had only asked once about his absence though Kate had been aware of the Captain watching her more closely than usual. 'Good,' she said, continuing down the corridor.

When she decided that they'd had enough reconnecting, she broke up the male bonding session by linking her arm through his and leading him to the elevator.

'You kids have fun now, ya hear?' Ryan called after them.

* * *

Castle handed her a glass of wine and they clinked. She noticed the Maldives hotel brochure among a pile of magazines at one end of the kitchen counter and picked it up, flicking through as she followed him across to the couch.

She sighed. 'It would have been wonderful. Do you get to the atoll by boat from Male?'

'You can but I'd booked a sea-plane.'

'Wow! That would have been something. Castle, I'm so sorry I screwed it up.'

'Please, enough apologies. It's over.'

'Right.'

'Where are we going, Kate?'

'We could go to Dad's cabin. It's not Reetha Rah but it's peaceful and you haven't been there yet.' She was admiring at the photos of the Grand Beach Villa and thinking of the contrast with her dad's cabin when she glanced up and was surprised to see no hint of a smile on his face.

'It's not that bad. It's got running water and…'

'And it's cleaner than your apartment which I'm pretty sure, isn't fit for human habitation.' She was relieved to see a glint in his eyes.

'True, but that's your fault.'

'Excuse me?'

'You weren't around to remind me to clean or empty my refrigerator.'

'But as I was saying,' he paused to take her hand in his, 'where are we going, Kate?

'We're not talking about next week are we?' She said, biting her lip as he shook his head. 'You know that's my line, don't you?' she added and he just smiled. It was the question that had been bugging her for weeks. She loved him and she knew that he loved her and they were having an amazing time together but where would they be next year? And the year after that? Now he'd turned that back on her and she wasn't going to scare him away with talk of long-term commitment.

'Castle, I don't know where we're going, I just know that wherever it is, I want to go with you.'

'Thank you.' He shifted his gaze from her eyes to her mouth and he brushed her lips with two of his fingers.

'I'm so sorry that I hurt you.'

'Shhh! Enough apologies, remember?' She kissed his fingertips.

'But…'

'But nothing. You would never have really hurt me. I know you, Castle - maybe better than you know yourself - and you're not that man. Trust me.' He gently brushed her lips with his and then kissed the tip of her nose.

'So, if you'll go anywhere with me, I vote we go to the bedroom.' He got to his feet, taking her with him and she let him pull her after him. She allowed herself a pang of disappointment that his promising opening had led nowhere but after three weeks apart, the bedroom didn't sound like such a bad plan.

Castle flicked the light switch but the room remained in darkness.

'Must be the bulb. Would you mind getting the flashlight from the kitchen?'

She did as he asked, finding the flashlight in its usual place, but when she turned it on it didn't work.

'Castle, do you have batteries?' she said as she returned to find him lighting candles.

'Don't worry. We'll make do with these.'

'Wow, it smells so good in here. Bulb replacement too technical for you?'

'Hmm. Something like that.'

With each candle he lit, she saw a little more of the room and Kate's mouth dropped open in surprise. It had been transformed into a tropical paradise with two palm trees in the corners that almost reached the ceiling and a pair of peacock chairs at the end of the bed. The bed itself was strewn not with red petals, but with fragrant frangipani. She could hear water running and turned to see a five-foot high water wall, with a massive photograph of a tropical seaside sunset behind it.

'Castle, how… what…'

He took her hand and led her to one of the chairs, handing her a Mojito.

'How did you even…' Kate started again.

'I made a few calls and mother helped with some props. Don't look too close at the poster. I think it's been displayed in a travel agency for a few years. The trees will have to go back but I think we should keep the chairs and maybe the water feature. What do you think?'

'I can't think. This is amazing.'

'Yeah? You like it? I thought a night in the Maldives might be fun. It's not as good as the real thing but…'

'No. This is fantastic. Thank you.'

'I even found the perfect music. I admit that I took a leaf out of Alexis' book and indulged my misery in the company of Adele but this is the song I had on repeat.' He pressed the remote and offered her his hand.

'You know that the resort in Reetha Rah has the same name as this song. It must be a sign.'

He took her right hand in his left and circled her waist with his other arm holding her firmly and Kate closed her eyes, dropping her head onto his broad chest and swayed with him as Adele sang _"I dare you to let me be your one and only"_. Tropical paradise or Manhattan, it didn't really matter where they were so long as they were together. As the music came to an end he bent his head to give her a lingering kiss before leading her back to the chairs.

'Let's sit here for a while and admire the view,' he said but they didn't look at the white sand and orange tinged sea sea. They held each other's gaze unwaveringly.

'So, do you like this island?' he asked.

'I love it. The best there is.'

'I'm glad but I should probably tell you that I didn't get down to number 15 on that list so, although it can't be as good as this, we'll still be catching that sea-plane at the weekend if you don't mind.'

'Mind? Really? You didn't cancel? Thank you.' She beamed at him like an excited child and his face crinkled in response with the smile she knew was reserved only for her.

'I'm afraid I was pretty rubbish at the whole of that list. I didn't get anywhere near to number 16.'

'Number 16?'

'It was over the page.'

'Oh?'

He reached into his pocket and she thought that he was going to pull out the piece of paper but he looked away from her towards the poster. 'Beautiful sunset.'

'Hmm.' She agreed.

'You know where I want to spend my sunsets?'

'Reetha Rah.'

'With you. All of them.' And then he half stood up before dropping to one knee in front of her.

'Kate, will you spend all your sunsets with me?' He opened the cherry wood box he'd concealed in his hand.

'Katherine Houghton Beckett will you let me be your one and only? Marry me, Kate. Please.'

Kate stopped breathing as she looked from the stunning triple diamond ring to his face that was full of hope and love, and without any conscious thought she held out her trembling left hand and watched as he took it in his and slipped the ring on to her third finger. She let her breath out and looked up to his face again her smile growing.

'Yes please, Rick.' He stood and pulled her up into his arms, and their mouths met in a deep, searching kiss, tongues entwining, desperately trying to get even closer to each other. He sank one hand into her chestnut waves and the other stroked her back and she responded, one hand roaming his back while she ran the fingers of the other through the short hair at the nape of his neck. They gradually pulled back until they were gently kneading each other's lips and he slid his cheek against hers.

'I love you, Kate,' he whispered.

'I love you too, Rick,' she breathed against his cheek.

He rested his chin on her head and wrapped his arms around her and Kate felt safer and happier than she ever had. His eyes had told her that he wanted this as much as she did but she needed to be sure.

'Castle, is this really what you want?'

'What?'

He pulled back a little so he could look at her.

'You're not just doing this because…'

He kept hold of her with one arm but sought in his back pocket for something with the other hand, triumphantly emerging with his scrunched up list. He struggled to straighten it with one hand but clearly had no intention of letting go his grip on her.

'Here we are. "16. Return Kate's ring to Tiffany's." You'll see I scratched that one out as soon as I wrote it and replaced it with "One day, give Kate her ring".'

'You had the ring already?' He nodded.

'And even after what I did you still wanted to give it to me.'

He just smiled and kissed her again.

**I hope that this was what you wanted. I did agonise over it so I'd be really grateful to know what you think. **


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